"Love is temporary...but friends are forever." - Kelly Wheeler
It has been easy to give these guys fake names. But not this one. This one is tough.
And actually I'm leaving this as a draft because I'm not even really sure if I want it out there or not.
AHA! Persian. He is my Persian friend. And I've adored him for 9 years. Several of those years he was attached. And the girl hated me. With a passion. She may have hated everyone for all I know because she was bat crazy. But I'm pretty sure most of that hatred was pointed at me.
So we have always had this "thing". I like him, he likes me. But that's it. Right before college ended I got into a serious relationship with Addict. At my graduation party, Addict and Persian were there. And Addict later told me he thought there was something between us but didn't want to come off as jealous by pointing it out.
After college Persian and I sort of lost touch for a year, and then reconnected when I came back home for a job..leaving the Addict (for obvious reasons).
I know for sure we've been on one date, because that's what HE called it. But I'd say there were many more, we just never actually called them that.
Once, he made me dinner for my birthday. I was in heaven. Not only was the food good, but he was great company. That night it snowed (which at the time was rare for that area.) As my BFF roomy walks into us having dinner she has to inform us that it is snowing. We were so wrapped up in each other, we didn't even realize it. Of course, we went out and played in it. Close to the perfect date. Close to the best date ever. But we never called it a "date".
Several weeks later, we went out for drinks. I got loaded because I was so nervous around him. Walking back to his car I managed to FALL in the middle of the street..with on coming traffic, laughing hysterically at my stupidity. He quickly scooped me up before the head lights smashed into my face. At the next bar, I realized I had skinned up my knee pretty bad...and he leaned down and kissed it. Maybe he was loaded too. But I won't forget that.
Our first kiss...was perfect. Perfect. He was gentle. And held the back of my head. He was confident, but not pushy. We were in his car when he was taking me home one night. I invited him in. And he stayed the night. But we didn't do anything.
We would go out every couple weeks. Sometimes he would disappear for months at a time. I recently asked him about that, and he said it was me that disappeared. That really pissed me off. Because I know it wasn't me.
So this went on for a couple years. Go out..have a great time..probably kiss...and that's it. So frustrating. But I never let him stop me from seeing other people.
Last year, maybe around October, we had our official "date". He took me out for dinner and drinks. He paid for everything. We had a great time. We kissed at the end of the night and I think he even stayed over..but no. We did not have sex. I asked him if he wanted to go out that next weekend and he said he had work to do. Fishing around on Stalkerbook a few weeks later, and really...not stalking HIM. REALLY. I was on his brother's page (who happens to also be my friend on Stalkerbook) when I noticed Persian's name. I read the comment a girl posted. Something to the effect of, "It's been so nice seeing Persian lately. He took me out last weekend-" the weekend he said he had work to do. Well fuck. It isn't just me he is doing this to?! Fuck. I felt pretty shitty about that. He lied and was seeing someone else.
Then of course...he disappeared....or I stopped trying. One of the two. I never did call him out on that lie. I suppose I should have.
I met someone else in December. Little Lion Man. Who, I'm sure I will talk about eventually. This is a blog about my dating life, and he was a huge part of it.
So I just stopped trying to get in touch with Persian. I decided, That's it. No more dragging me around. Then of course when I stopped calling and texting, he started. A bunch of us went out right before my birthday (February) with friends. Right before Little Lion Man was coming to see me. Persian was part of the group that night. My BFF grilled him about how he shouldn't let a previous relationship (bat crazy girl) effect how he is living now. He got pretty defensive. And I believe she told him I had found someone else, so his chance with me was over.
He ended up at my house that night. And we got into a huge fight about the same thing. So we basically stopped talking.
Then, my relationship with Little Lion Man came to a drastic end in March. I called Persian two nights after, crying. He was on my doorstep within the hour. And since, has been by my side.
We ended up kissing again one night...this time it got more heavy. But he would stop it. Then we would continue. Then I would stop it. It was like a symbol of our relationship. Tug of War. So 9 years of adoring this man (for reasons I can't really understand)..we were never intimate. NEVER. Just kissed. Did you get that? 9 years. NINE. I suppose I knew if I slept with him it would devastate me. I would turn it into something entirely different than what he would turn it into. I knew that. And maybe he knew that too.
So here I am. Living in a different "country" as he calls it. We text every now and then. I do want to keep in touch. He was a friend to me when I needed one, even if there was some romantic tension. We were texting one night. Both bullshitting with each other, as we usually do. When out of no where..he goes on this long dramatic rant about how I am just dragging him along and that I don't really keep in touch and I don't really care about him. WHAT? I fumed about it for all of five minutes. He sent another text, "Then there was silence..." I knew he was pushing my buttons. He wanted me to go off on him. Last year or last month I might have. But I simply responded with, "I miss you." And he said, "I'm glad you saw that as it was, sarcasm."
He has been supportive of everything I have done. Even if he has been flaky at times...he was or is a good friend. Not a best friend. But a good friend. And I do miss him. I cried when I had to say goodbye to him. (Not gut wrenching crying like when I said bye to my BFF.) I kind of knew I wouldn't see him again. And if I do..well. It will surprise me.
We went our separate ways. That's all there is to it. But there is only one other person that has given me "butterflies" like that, Little Lion Man...I hope one day I can find someone that makes me feel that way. Even if he does royally piss me off.