Tuesday, August 9, 2011

My Day of Unintentionally Shopping for Men at the Grocery Store

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.  ~Bo Derek

Who would have thought I would be inspired to write from a trip to the grocery store? Today's trip proved to be quite enjoyable for me.  Normally, I can't stand it.  I hate crowds of shoppers.  

To understand my local grocery store, you have to understand my neighborhood.  It is a mix between Little Cuba, Little Mexico and Little Korea. The neighborhood is also relatively poor (me included).   I have to be careful which days I choose to go shopping because some days are WIC days and some are food stamp days.  On those days, there aren't any shopping carts left.  

Today was not a WIC or food stamp day.  When I walked in the store I saw rows upon rows of empty shopping carts.   YES!  I head to produce first, digging through my purse for my coupons and list.  I see a very attractive guy with another guy who looks to be handicapped. They are different races so I doubt they are related.  Eavesdropping on their conversation, I get the impression that they are shopping for a large group of people.  Maybe some kind of halfway house? Whatever it is, the attractive guy is either volunteering or he is actually getting paid to help people.  Throughout the entire shopping trip we keep bumping into each other.  No complaints here though.  Days like this, I really wish I had the balls to approach men.  

Last week there was a flood at the front of the store, making it all but impossible to navigate the isles. It took all the employees to mop it up. Today? In the deli section, a large display of refrigerated meat had fallen. And it took nearly half the employees to clean it up.  

Laughing over the pathetic shape of the store, I went on to the cereal isle.  This isle can be my worst nightmare.  I really want to grab Lucky Charms, maybe even 5 boxes.  But I know Fiber One is the better choice.  Oh hey!  Out of Fiber One.  Last week they were out of Cherrios.  I start to get a little frustrated when HELLO.  Attractive guy #2 comes down the isle.  He is dark, Italian dark.  5 o'clock shadow.  White t-shirt.  Jeans.  Thick hair.  What is this?  In NC, I would be lucky to see ONE attractive guy at the grocery store.  I make a mental note that Tuesday is the day to go shopping.  

As I stare at my endless choices of cereal, he does the same.  It seems like a lifetime.  Really?!  Why can't I just walk up and say something cheesy about the cereal.  Why??  I finally decide on Cherrios and move on to the dairy section, leaving attractive guy #2 behind.  

Rummaging through my coupons, a man walks up to me.  "Excuse me." "Yes?" He pulls out his cell phone and I think he is going to ask for my number.  Not that I would give it to him.  He was much older, and clearly smoked WAY too much. "I was wondering if I could buy 20 dollars of groceries for you for 30 dollars. I really need some gas money." Quick math calculation in my head-and I didn't even ask if I was supposed to give him the extra ten, or he was giving me the extra ten.  He didn't make ANY sense.  And if you have money to buy me groceries, go put it in your tank instead.  Weirdo.  "Um, no, I don't think so."  

Back to the deli to see if they are done cleaning up so I can get my turkey.  Attractive guys #3 and #4.  Seriously.  #3 had long dreads and was a stereotypical hippie.  But he was hot.  And not nearly as stoned as the creep.  #4 was pushing around a stroller, but didn't matter.  He was hot.  And am I the only person that gets sliced turkey a quarter inch thick?  The deli guy thought I was nuts.  People use deli meat for things other than sandwiches.  Price tag-$7 a pound.  Eh, not bad.  In NC, it was typically 8.99.  I get two pounds.  Poor guy that thinks I'm nuts, hands me my turkey.  I check the sticker.  Total price-$5.32.  Wha???  "Um, is this right?" "Shh...don't tell anyone."  Was he hitting on me?  

At this point, I'm tired of shopping.  My cart is over flowing and the thought of going up to my third story apartment is exhausting.  Plus it's hot.  Really hot.  I decide to head over to the cashiers.  No lines!  Fantastic!  Tuesday must be the day to go shopping.  I see attractive guy #2 finishing his purchase. Hope I see him next Tuesday.  As the cashier is ringing up my numerous items, I see attractive guy #5 at the coin counter.  Baseball hat, tall...boot on foot.  Sports injury maybe?  He sees me watching him.  I blush.

Attractive guy#1 is in the lane next to me with his friend.  The friend is starring at me and I'm trying to stop the blushing.  Attractive guy says something to him and he stops.  

I walk out with my full cart and don't even notice all the litter and gunk in the parking lot like I usually do.  So many men!  Shopping can make you happy! Attractive guy #1 is parked next to me.  I realize I have seen the friend here at the store before, but he was with a different guy.  I really wonder what that is about.  Maybe I will find out next Tuesday....


  1. I just came across your blog and this adventure is hilarious!

    I would for sure be grocery shopping on Tuesdays from now on :)

  2. Ok, seriously, who knew that the grocery store is the place to meet the fellas?

  3. Who knew Grocery Shopping could be so fun, wow, lol!!!

  4. I have to find a different place to shop. Big box grocery stores are so unromantic.