No fancy quote this time folks.
I broke my laptop.....so I am relying on this ipad, which isn't half bad. I just can't type as fast as I normally would.
I've spent the past week crying every night over Little Lion Man. I miss him. And all these dates with people have made realize that no one will ever compare. I'm still angry at what he did. I accept it. But I'm angry. He made me a promise. A promise that took me a while to accept, but i did. And then he broke that promise. Really broke it. Tore it up. Spit on it. And Then shot it. But I accept it. In a way.
I'm angry. I'm angry that for the second time in my life things have not gone my way. Really. It's bullshit. I'm tired of getting shit on.
So here is the half Jew. I finally told him my story. My pathetic depressing story. And in reality, i think you would have to be a tad bit crazy to still be ointerested in me if you heard it.
So there we were. Sitting on my porch. Wine in hand. First I told him my ugly habit. He accepted it and said he would do what he could to help me through it.
Then i told him the depressing deep dark story of my life. His response? "Can I give you a hug?" hmmm...well yea i guess. And it did help.
He didn't ask details but he said when i was ready i could tell him.
Then he told me his deep dark history. And I guess we all have them. So maybe you aren't crazy for not running out my front door.
I opened up.
He opened up.
It was a relief....in a way...
In the beginning i was glad he didn't know my past. I could be me without that. And it was nice. But i could only put up that front for so long. And i think that mit be why i was so frustrated on the camping trip. I wanted to let it all out then...but I couldn't, obviously the timing wasn't right...but on this particular night on my porch...it was.
I don't see where i will be with this guy in a month or a year. But i do see myself going out with him tomorrow and next week. And im looking forward to it.
It's nice to meet someone who knows nothing of you...what so ever...and you gradually learn about them. It's exciting. Annoying when they are driving..but still exciting.
I know I will never get over Little Lion Man. It just won't happen. He has a large piece of my heart for the rest of my life. And i know i will never meet anyone like him again. I might not even ever feel that way about anyone ever again.
But for now...getting to know a stranger is what I need. And in the process I am learning about myself...parts of myself that have always been there but are just now coming out.
Man...i gotta find a good quote for this post....
PS Big Nose sent me a series of texts...which I responded to...of course. I swear, I have to have the last word. Friends kept telling me to not respond...but I HAVE TO RESPOND TO A TEXT!!!! So anyways....he ended up sending me a dirty video. Sigh......stupid boys. Not a w to win a girl over...or even get in her pants. Ugh. I didn't respond to that one.