My Evening with The Half Jew

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.--Dr. Suess

I really don't want to say a whole lot about last night.  Maybe I'm afraid I might jinx it? 


I keep writing about the evening..and then deleting it....


Sorry...but I'm keep this to myself for a while...

My Date with Denali

Remember, men need laughter sometimes more than food.  ~Anna Fellows Johnston

For a few weeks I sort of swore off dating.  It wasn't bad, I was just starting to feel like it was a waste of time.  Also, men on POF starting messaging me not realizing they had messaged me last month, when I told them I was not interested.  

After reading another blog, I came across another dating site, OkCupid.com. I thought I would give it a shot.  I actually like it a lot more than POF.  Much more more user friendly.  And you can quickly tell who is serious about dating, and who isn't.  

Two weeks ago, Denali sent me a message:

If Bigfoot chased you whilst on a scooter with a cup of coffee...um, don't buy ripe bannanas that day:) 

Needless to say, I decided I would go out with him. We agreed on Korean BBQ after having a long talk about southern food and Japanese food.  

Meeting him at the restaurant, I saw he drove a truck, but didn't give it a second thought.  


I knew going into this date, that he wasn't the most attractive man I've ever seen, but his humor was a huge turn on.  He is tall and looks as Italian as it gets. I found out he has his own real estate business but he wants to go to law school.  We talked about the politics of education and he showed a clear respect for educators, knowing quite a lot about the public school system in Colorado.  

Our meal was fantastic.  Expensive, but fantastic.  We ended up heading to a bar after, where I did not run into Jew!  We talked for a few hours. By midnight I was crashing.  After spending an entire day at a wine festival and then having an extravagant meal, I was done.  I drove him back to his truck.  

It was awkward...really awkward.  He gave me a high five...and I laughed my ass off.  Then he hugged me, which doesn't really work when you are sitting in a truck.  So then he got out, opened my door and planted one on me.  I wasn't really expecting it, but there ya go.  Kiss on a first date.  I think I need to throw that rule out the window. 

As I pulled away, I noticed his truck was a Denali.....a newer, prettier version of my Beast.  

My Evening with Geek

A mighty flame followeth a tiny spark. -Dante Alighieri

I explored downtown yesterday.  It made me realize how much I hate traffic.  Why did I think a Friday afternoon would be a good time to explore downtown?  Stupid.  But guess who I ran into?!  Jew!  I mean really, buddy.  This town isn't big enough for the both of us. I managed to make it home safely.  Not doing that again. 

Geek and I have been talking since before I moved out here.  He calls himself a geek so I'm rolling with it. We've tried meeting before, but something always came up for one or both of us.  So yesterday when he sent me a text asking if I wanted to get together for drinks, I jumped at the chance.  Although, I have to tell you, I'm getting kind of sick of all these first dates.  My best friend reminded me that it is all about experience.  So going into this date, I wasn't overly excited.  But happy to finally be meeting this guy I had been talking to for two months. 


We met at a local bar. When Geek walked in, he immediately walked over to me. I had no question about who he was. We enjoyed a few beers, had some food and decided to go for a walk. We watched the sun set over the mountains.  So cheesy.  But it was nice.  He led the conversation which put me at ease.  After the sun set, we called it a night and went to pay our tabs.  He managed to pay for mine without me noticing.  That was very nice of him.  I walked him to his car and gave him a hug and headed back to my place. Overall, it was a nice date.  He wasn't pushy and he didn't insult me like Miami did.   

I'm not sure if I would go out with Geek again.  He was very nice and I was very comfortable around him.  But there weren't any sparks.  I'm looking for sparks.  Maybe not fireworks, but there has to be something there.  And there just wasn't with Geek.  Oh well....

My Date with Miami

Carrie: You have to figure ... if the world's fattest twins can find love, there's hope for all of us. Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us, understand us, and kiss our 3 heads and make it all better.


We were supposed to meet a while back.  In fact, I was waiting on him, when he sent me a text saying he had been rear ended.  I didn't believe him.  But still made plans again with him the following week.  Then my truck's brakes gave out.  So I ditched him.  Then we were supposed to meet again...and I canceled because I had a bad day.

So the night finally comes where I am going to meet him.  It takes awhile to agree on a place to meet.  But we do. I make the mistake of saying 9 or later.  I should have just said 9.  So I show up at 9.  And wait.  And wait some more.  I saw Jew.  I know! Small world.  As I sat there waiting, I wrote a mini post on my phone.  Mostly about Jew.  I'll have to remember to transfer it to this...I do remember pointing out the fact that Big Nose and Jew have the same real name.  Did I know that before?  Did that occur to me before?  Do I really think of them in my head as "Big Nose" and "Jew"??

An hour and half later...why did I wait?  Well, I had blown him off the previous two times, so didn't mind.  And what was I going to do on a Friday night?  I'd rather be out somewhere...even if the creepy guy next to me is watching my every move like he is getting ready to pounce.  Creepy.  But still better than sitting at home...alone...watching my non-existent TV.

At one point, this guy walks up to the bartender and orders a drink.  He reeks of cologne.  And I pray it isn't him.  I try to remember what his profile picture looked like..but all I can remember is Miami (where he is from). Turns out...to not be him.  Thank god.

I get a text saying he is there. Well..no he isn't.  No one has walked in in the past 10 minutes.  So I tell him to come in.  It takes a lifetime for him to come in.  We say our hellos..and I point out the fact that it is 10:30. And I've just realized, he is the first guy I haven't hugged when meeting. He chuckles and says, "I know, I know."  No apology.  OK.  Still..better than no TV.  As we talk, I have to lean in because the music has all of a sudden gotten really loud.  He smells like a tanning bed.  He is dark, so I ask, "Do you tan?"  Nope, just his lotion.  HA.  Miami is truly the best name for him.  He is cute...and then I remember his pictures.  This guy is the fat version of the guy online.

Then the conversation slowly turns into better than TV.  He has a masters degree, in business. He is Italian (ah...maybe he really doesn't tan). He has a boat.  He is making me laugh. Flirting.  Great.  Not such a bad evening after all.

Right.

He says he is going to the restroom.  10 minutes later, I find myself talking to a guy who could pass as a midget.  I know he is trying to hit on me.  I don't ignore him, because this is just too good.  I turn to see where the hell Miami went, and I see him talking on the phone.  Right, back to the midget.  We joke about his "airplane" drink. Just as he was asking if I wanted to join him and his friends, Miami walks up.  So, I politely decline. 

Miami tells me that he was on the phone with his mom. Right. I ask what he does for a living.  Something with IT...but he owns several businesses in Miami.  And one of them happens to be a .....wait......I'm not making this up...it happens to be a strip club.  I'm pretty sure I spit my drink out laughing so hard.  You have GOT to be kidding me.  "No, a strip a club."  That might have been rude of me to laugh so hard.  I mean, if you know what you are doing, I'm sure it brings in a lot of money.

We continue talking for a while, because this is just too entertaining.  He says he is going to the bathroom.  I wait.  I use the bathroom.  I order a water.  Drink my water.  Then pay my tab and leave.  I send him a text.  "Guess I've been blown off.  So I'm headed home." 

About an hour later he starts texting me.  Saying he didn't blow me off, he was on the phone....right...and you don't tell me...because?? And then....But he would really like to come over to my place.  "Right," I say in response.  Which I guess to Miami that meant yes because the texts continue. At this point, I ignore them.  Then he gets mean...and just doesn't stop.  So I turn my phone off.  I wake up this morning and at one point he says I invited him to my place (which I didn't).  And he will wait on no one.  so I should lose his number.

Wow. Dramatic ending. 

I'm supposed to go out with Big Nose tonight.  I'm pretty sure it won't be nearly as exciting as owning a strip club.  But I think I will be OK.

My First Date with Lineman

Everybody knows the pressure of a first date: Searching for that perfect outfit. Hunting for ways to be engaging. Dissecting each detail when it's over to check for mistakes. Dating can make even the most confident person lose his cool.

KELLY STARLING, Ebony Magazine, May 2000

Ah.  The Lineman.  When I read that was his occupation on his profile, I thought...football?  Looks hunky.  But most likely..not. 

Can you guess where we decided to meet?  Haha...the local bar.  And actually we had plans to go to The Nature and Science Museum the following day, but he wanted to meet me first.  

So of course he got there when I was with my girls, having my dramatic moment and laughing over the wine stealing event. 

His pictures online were kinda vague, so when this guy comes in, I whisper to L, "Could that be him?"  Yup.  

Holy cow he is CUTE!  He gets a drink and orders food.  I think we had planned on eating together, but food was not happening me for on this crap day.  So I watched him eat instead.  The conversation went well, actually it kept going.  Well is being nice.  Not the smartest guy in the world.  But so far, the cutest.  He was confident.  He talked about his job...working on power lines.  mmmm  intriguing.  ugh.  But he was nice, and I knew I would want to go out with him again.  

So we made plans to go the museum the next day.  There really isn't much more to say about him.  Just that he was cute.  He left early.  Saying he was tired.  And honestly, he seemed tired when he walked in.  I guess working on those power lines is hard work. 

Well the next day was just as crappy as the previous day for me.  So I sent him a text, and his first response (before I could tell him I couldn't go) was "I don't have enough money to pay for the both of us."  hmm.  Well no kidding, I wouldn't have enough money for the both of us either.  Its stupid expensive.  So I told him I couldn't go because of other reasons, but that I wouldn't expect him to pay for me.  I was just having a bad day, and would be bad company.  

Few days ago, I sent him a text.  No response. Ha.  There ya go.  

My First Date with Eyebrows

Dating is meant to be temporary. You don't want to be friends with just one person. You don't want to learn only one person's interests, ways, or habits. You don't want to discover how you react to just one person. Dating one person is like trying one new food. Pizza's great, but if you never tried anything else, you'd never know how supper hamburgers and hot dogs and tacos and chop suey are.
CAROLE MARSH

I met Eyebrows on the dating site.  He was honest and we had a good conversation on the phone right after meeting.  Which told me he was serious about getting together.  He has a daughter.  11.  eek.  But its ok.  I can roll with it.  He asked me if I had ever had Korean food.  And I hadn't.  Which is shocking, because I've had everything else.  


So we decide on lunch the next day at one of his favorite places.  Of course I get there before him.  I try reading the menu, but have no clue what any of it means. I see the pictures...but is it chicken? cat? dog?  I don't want to eat something I could love.  So I wait for him to get there to explain this mess of a menu to me.  (Oh-and they had sushi-$20!! Yeah right...)


He walks in, dressed nice, as he was on his lunch break.  He is cute.  But has female eyebrows.  And I can't help but look at them every time, strange looking.  Not bad, just strange.  Almost like C's brows when she gets loaded.  But whatever.  


He explains the menu to me.  And we have a great conversation.  We don't talk about previous relationships.  We mainly focus on the food and talk about what we are doing later.  I end up ordering a cold Sake, which was yummy.  I had no idea there was such a thing as cold Sake!  Yum. Yum. Yum.  The food was SO good.  I will be going back there.  I have no idea how much it was, because he was a gentleman and paid.  So...we go to leave.  Make no conversation about if we will get together again or not.  But we hug.  And go our separate ways.  


Then my day got bad.  As I'm pulling out of the parking lot, my trucks dings and says, "BRAKE FAILURE.  CHECK BRAKE SYSTEM".  Luckily the dealership was right down the road.  I managed to not hit anyone and pull in without hitting anything.  


Haven't heard back from eyebrows.  So weird.  I don't know what to think about this.  Keeps happening.  


That night I was supposed to have drinks with a Greek doctor.  Had to cancel on him because of the stupid truck. But he continues to text me.  So that might be my next date....

First Date with Skater.

Skater is my age.  So this is different.  Big Nose is two years older and Jock was 6 years older.  So I'm thinking, he is going to be a little more immature.

First, we agree to meet at my local bar, but he gets freaked by the hassle of the guard at the gate.  So instead, we meet at a more public bar.

I get there first.  Red Bull...no excuse me...Monster and Vodka.  Bleh.   Chat it up with bartender.  Nice guy.  very nice guy.  He takes shots with his customers.  (Is that legal?)

So Skater sends me a text, I tell him I am at the bar.  He comes in.  Hug, nice to meet you...blah blah blah.  Super cute again.  A little taller than me.  Relatively skinny.  Which in my book is kind of a turn off.  But we get to talking.  He has a daughter.  8?  So he had her before he was legal to drink.  Eek.  He was in the Navy, but out now.  Living on the GI Bill...going to school.  Ok..sounds good.  We talk about our interests.  We get on the subject of books.  (And you probably aren't thinking I'm well read because my grammar is crap...but I am.)  He has read a lot of the same books I have.  We get into talking about The Dark Tower series and Anna Frank, and Dean Koontz and the classics.  He doesn't have cable..(neither do I).  He reads.  And sees his daughter every other weekend.  Oh and skater, because that's what he says he is. 

I like him.  A lot.  So far, best conversation I've had on a first date.  The whole reading thing.  It's a turn on.  It really is.  I love a guy that can just sit down and read.  Honestly haven't met a lot of them...

We talk about how we both love to hike.  We go ahead and make plans to do a 14er the next Sunday.  Sweet!  I explain to him that because we are both smokers (few more days until my quit date)..that we need to find the easiest one.  Told my dad about this and he said he did the easiest one and gave up half way through.  Ouch.  And he doesn't smoke.  

After his two beers he says he probably can't have anymore.  He says he has to be up early for work.  So I say we should get going.  Walk to the parking lot.  He has a truck, similar to my beast.  ANOTHER huge turn on.  A guy who drives a truck.  I understand in the next year or two, it won't be a turn on because they are a money pit.  But still.  And it's soooo similar to MINE.  Score!  I hug him, say goodnight drive safe, blah blah blah.  No kiss!  :)

As I pull into my apartment complex, I get a text.  "Nice to meet you...Wish you would've invited me over to hang out more though."

Me: What do you mean?
Skater: Just that...Seems like you ran away pretty quickly.
Me: No! I didn't. I thought we hit it off great!
Skater: Ok good...
Me: Were you looking to get lucky? ;)
Skater: Well I wouldnt turn you down.. EVER! But that isn't what I meant.
Me: Haha.
Skater: Were you looking to get lucky?  I'm not just a piece of meat ya know.. ;P
Me: haha. Oh I was all about get laid! lol Looking forward to Sunday.
Skater: Me too...
Me: drive safe and I look forward to talking to you again.

I mean COME ON.  I'm sure he was looking to get laid.  But we continued with our plans for the 14er.....until...I found out about the Wine Festival happening on Saturday.  No way I could do that hike with a hangover.  So I tell him that I would love to hang out again, but maybe just dinner.  He agrees.

Yea well.  I text him Sunday..through my hangover.  I'm going to tough it out, because this one READS.  He responds.  Then I ask if we are still on for dinner.  NO RESPONSE.  Really?  Ugh. I guess no second date with Skater.  Sucks.  He was cute and well read and responsible and drove a truck.  Ah well.  More dates to write about...

First Date with Jock

First Date with Big Nose

Let me first start by saying I will never give out anyone's real name or information.

So, my first date with Big Nose.

We had planned on meeting in a week, on a Friday at my local cafe/bar.  But on the Friday before, I discovered how many nice men there are in Denver willing to buy a girl a shot.  Well, several Red Bull and Vodkas and many many shots later, I sent Big Nose a text.  I wish I had saved those texts, because according to him, they were very hard to decipher. I ended up asking him to come meet me that night instead a week from then.  He agreed, and somehow managed to find me through my typos via text.

We meet.  Big Nose.  Not so big big that it is unattractive.  Just a big nose.  And amazing hair. Amazing dark thick hair.  I see him and give him a hug. He is my height...maybe an inch, half an inch taller (so he lied on his profile?  Or I don't know my real height.) I believe we went to a private area to talk and drink some more.  I found out later that I spilled my whole life story to him in that sitting, and he pretty much did the same thing.  That's a big no-no in my book.  But I blame it on the shots.

At some point I ended up kissing him.  I'm sure he was grosed out because I am a smoker (currently on the path to quit-woohoo!!).  So as the night ended he said he would follow me home to make sure I got in alright.  Well, he did.  But he didn't leave at the door.  I pulled him in...and well things got heated.  He said he had to leave around 2am maybe, and I thought, eh. OK.  A one nighter.  Not really my style (I say that grinning..and laughing, becuase I won't lie...it happens).

I'm in target shopping the next morning, when he sends me a text.  "Mornin"  whoa.  Shocker. I had to ask him a few questions about what happened because I couldn't remember all the details.  But, he said he wanted to get together again.  Hmm...not a typical guy in my opinion, at least not from experience.  I agreed to the second date....which I will write about more later...as the stories just get better and better from Big Nose.

My advice girls: don't drink and text.  I want an app on my phone that asks me a series of questions to find out how drunk I am.  If I am over the legal limit-it won't let me text a dude. And obviously don't drink and drive.  He said I was doing 50 in a 25.  Thank god I didn't get busted for that.