My current state with the half jew

No fancy quote this time folks.

I broke my laptop.....so I am relying on this ipad, which isn't half bad. I just can't type as fast as I normally would.

I've spent the past week crying every night over Little Lion Man. I miss him. And all these dates with people have made realize that no one will ever compare. I'm still angry at what he did. I accept it. But I'm angry. He made me a promise. A promise that took me a while to accept, but i did. And then he broke that promise. Really broke it. Tore it up. Spit on it. And Then shot it. But I accept it. In a way.

I'm angry. I'm angry that for the second time in my life things have not gone my way. Really. It's bullshit. I'm tired of getting shit on.

So here is the half Jew. I finally told him my story. My pathetic depressing story. And in reality, i think you would have to be a tad bit crazy to still be ointerested in me if you heard it.

So there we were. Sitting on my porch. Wine in hand. First I told him my ugly habit. He accepted it and said he would do what he could to help me through it.

Then i told him the depressing deep dark story of my life. His response? "Can I give you a hug?" hmmm...well yea i guess. And it did help.

He didn't ask details but he said when i was ready i could tell him.

Then he told me his deep dark history. And I guess we all have them. So maybe you aren't crazy for not running out my front door.

I opened up.

He opened up.

It was a relief....in a way...

In the beginning i was glad he didn't know my past. I could be me without that. And it was nice. But i could only put up that front for so long. And i think that mit be why i was so frustrated on the camping trip. I wanted to let it all out then...but I couldn't, obviously the timing wasn't right...but on this particular night on my porch...it was.

I don't see where i will be with this guy in a month or a year. But i do see myself going out with him tomorrow and next week. And im looking forward to it.

It's nice to meet someone who knows nothing of you...what so ever...and you gradually learn about them. It's exciting. Annoying when they are driving..but still exciting.

I know I will never get over Little Lion Man. It just won't happen. He has a large piece of my heart for the rest of my life. And i know i will never meet anyone like him again. I might not even ever feel that way about anyone ever again.

But for now...getting to know a stranger is what I need. And in the process I am learning about myself...parts of myself that have always been there but are just now coming out.

Man...i gotta find a good quote for this post....

PS Big Nose sent me a series of texts...which I responded to...of course. I swear, I have to have the last word. Friends kept telling me to not respond...but I HAVE TO RESPOND TO A TEXT!!!! So anyways....he ended up sending me a dirty video. Sigh......stupid boys. Not a w to win a girl over...or even get in her pants. Ugh. I didn't respond to that one.

Really?!

The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
Helen Keller

Therefore, I am pathetic.   

My Camping Trip with Half Jew

No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.

-- Joyce Brothers

 

You can find out a lot about a person by going camping with them. 

I think I learned too much.  But it was a good thing.  Doubt this guy is for me.  I wish I could say, "Well..he's nice but..."  I can't.  We were listening to the radio and I said I liked the song playing. He turned the station about 30 seconds later.  I thought he was kidding.  Nope.  He just didn't want to listen to it.  Not nice.

He isn't patient.  At all.  I'm pretty sure he yelled at every car on the road.  And we were flipped off several times. 

He whines.  A lot.  His back hurt.  His neck hurt. His arm hurt. 

I realize I wasn't at the top of my game either.  I was a bit cranky.  But everything he did annoyed me.  EVERYTHING. 

On paper, he is perfect for me.  But "on paper" never works.  I don't even think I could be friends with him. 

I guess its one thing to go on a date with someone for a few hours.  And another thing to be with them for more than 24 hours.

My Second Date with The Half Jew

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
~ Wendy Leibman 

He isn't even really Jewish.  Neither am I.  But having a parent who is Jewish qualifies you as being half Jewish. Just not in the eyes of Jewish community.  

We both have the coupon gene. We can spot a deal a mile away.  But we are both horrible with money.  

We both moved to a new place to experience something different.  

He loves my truck more than I love my truck.  

Ya know...important stuff! 

My Evening with The Half Jew

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.--Dr. Suess

I really don't want to say a whole lot about last night.  Maybe I'm afraid I might jinx it? 


I keep writing about the evening..and then deleting it....


Sorry...but I'm keep this to myself for a while...